Nik's Rant of the Day

Sometimes when I am sitting up late by myself or early in the morning when everyone is still sleeping (yes sometimes it happens!) my mind becomes a busy mess of thoughts and feelings. Kinda like that area on the freeway where different interstates meet and cars are going every which way. It is often a jumbled mess.

I think of things I have to get finished, worry about my kids, worry about certain students, think about those who have wronged me, think about those that I have lost and miss, think about why Big Macs aren't healthy, think about what I would actually say if I had the opportunity to tell certain people what I think of them, think about how incredibly blessed my life is, think about how awesome it will be when I fit into a size 8, think about those that I love, think about what life will be like in 10 years, think about why my kids never finish their chores, think about why poop stinks, think about a better world withut skunks or seagulls and think about why farts are funny. These are just a few (hehehehe) of the things I think about when the house is quiet and nobody is buggin me!

Because I think it is unhealthy to have all of these jumbled thoughts just hangin around in my brain, I have decided to create Nik's Rant of the Day!!! I know, I know exciting huh? Well here goes, my first rant...wait for it...wait for it...here it comes.........

SEAGULLS...I HATE them! Now I know that hate is a strong word and I do not use it very often, but when it comes to seagulls it is very appropriate. Ya, ya, ya I know the story about the seagulls eating the locusts, or junebugs or cockroaches in Utah (whatever the hell bug it was then, I don't really care) WooHoo! Hooray for them! But, in this day and age they are unnecessary! In this day and age we have RAID! We have pest killers that can get rid of the unwanted bugs. Seagulls are no longer needed. I can hear it now! But what about the damage these harsh chemicals do to the environment? You know what screw the environment! What about the damage to my self esteem when one of those flying, mangy, bug eating bastards SHIT on me in 8th grade? Junior high is tough as it is. Kids want to fit in. Bird shit on your shoulder is probably not the best way to go about doing this. Do you really think you will be in the "in crowd" with a bird shit stain on your favorite shirt? No I don't think so either!

So, will you please quit feeding these sons-a-bitches your left over french fries! (who ever heard of left over french fries anyway?) Throw away your trash in a trash can with a LID! They hang out at McDonalds and Walmart because they know someone is gonna throw them a morsel of food! If everyone would quit feeding them, they would leave. Besides aren't they the state bird of Utah? This is Wyoming! Go home!

I once hit a seagull with my car at the beach when I lived in Cali! It was one of the best days of my life. I should have taken a picture and then mounted that son of a bitch to the grill of my car! But, unfortunately I didn't have my camera. So, I just jumped out of the car and did my happy dance while screaming, "Take that asshole! That's for the 8th grade, for me, and for all of the others that your disgusting breed humiliated, and abused each and every day at lunch! Don't mess with the bull or you'll get the horns! HA HA HA!!" Then I ran over him back and forth to make sure he was really dead while sadistically laughing!

It was a proud moment for me. One I will never forget! Okay, okay maybe I went a little bit overboard, but blame it on the Post Traumatic Stress from that humiliating and demeaning experience in junior high.

Oh and one more thing, if you are reading this blog thinking, "that is so horrible, that poor bird is one of God's living creatures..." First of all seagulls have no soul. Second of all they are mangy, disgusting birds that should be destroyed. And thirdly (Is that even a word? I don't really know, but it sounds good) do not comment if you are on the side of the seagull. Seagulls are the enemy. If you side with the enemy, well then that makes you...

Thank you for taking the time to read Nik's Rant of the Day.

Oh and one last thing...

Have I ever told you how I feel about skunks?