Last Day of School

So today was the last day of school! I was definitely ready for it to end. I haven't had the best year. It probably started in July when my dad died. I was struggling with the emotions of dealing with my dad's death and then in August (2 1/2 weeks before I had to report back to school), I tore the mesh that was holding my umbilical hernia inside my belly. I was in a lot of pain and when I went to the doctor he said I should probably fix it since I was in pain. So 2 weeks before I was to start work, I had surgery.

Before the surgery, my doctor informed me that this surgery was going to hurt...not just a little, but A LOT! It was much more extensive than the last one and my total recovery time would be about 6 months. I remember leaving the doctor's office thinking, "well, he doesn't know how tough I am. I will be fine and ready to start school on the first day.

YA RIGHT...the surgery went well, but I could not believe the amount of pain I was in! It was horrible. I would have rather gone through natural childbirth again than have that hernia fixed. Needless to say, I was completely useless for about a week and a half. This meant that my classroom was not getting put together, I was not going to be prepared for the first day.

The day I had to report to work, I remember loading up on Lortab and muscle relaxers and promising my boss that I would be at work the following Monday to greet my new class of kinders, pain killer free!

Whenever I have surgery, I always have this episode of depression that follows it. I was already a mess because of my dad and the surgery just added to it. I started the school year sad, angry, depressed, unmotivated, and in pain. I remember coming home after the first week and sobbing after everyone had gone to bed. I prayed for strength and comfort.

As my class walked out of my room for the final time today, I felt tired, relieved, sad, happy, and blessed. Tired because I have used so much energy hiding my sadness and grief this year. Relieved because I can take some time to breathe and think about my dad and cry if I need to without worrying about who I might let down or disappoint...Sad because I have watched these kids learn and grow so much this year and now they are moving on, they don't need me anymore...happy because I have done my job and they have worked so hard. Blessed because I have a wonderful job. I work with an amazing staff, my Aspen family.

Thank you to the parents who have been so wonderful this year. You know who you are and you know the hard year I have had. Your support of me and your confidence in me is something I will never be able to repay and it means more to me than I could ever express.

And finally, Jaye Synan...without you I never would have made it through this school year. Thank you for letting me cry, letting me lean on you, letting me vent to you, and most importantly for making me laugh! And especially thanks for not killing me this year! I look forward to being "me" again this next school year.

So until then, I am going to sit back, relax and enjoy my summer!