Nik's Rant of the Day

Now I know all of you are expecting a rant on skunks, but since my husband is "leaving on a jet plane, don't know when he'll be back again", I thought I would change my rant topic for the day. He is off to Alaska this week to marry his oldest nephew (no not marry him like become husband and husband, but perform the ceremony) Anyway, I fear for his safety...I REALLY fear for his safety! Not for reasons you might think. You see, before he even gets to the gate to board his plane, he faces an unbelievable danger that many people do not know about. They do not realize what can happen to them. I am talking about sprains, strains, breaks, loss of limbs, and even death. Yes folks, I am speaking of the Moving Sidewalk People Mover! (I will now refer to it as the MSPM).

This transportation device is not safe. Invented way back when by Haycock Herman Huckleberry, this "invention" was supposed to make it easier to travel through the airport. First of all, I always get irritated when I hear someone behind me say "move to the right". Really, the sidewalk thingy is about as wide as my ass and you want me to move to the right? If you were gonna walk in the first place why the hell did you get on the MSPM? I know, I know you can walk much faster, but really do you need to have super human walking speed? And I doubt those several hundred feet really save you tons of time. You just look like a moron speed walking around my ass!

The speed walking does annoy me, but my biggest concern is safety. These sidewalks are dangerous. If I had a dollar for every time I have seen someone fall or stumble while trying to get off of the MSPM I could buy a nice meal at McDonalds, super sized, and have enough for a McFlurry at the end! Okay, I really meant to say if I had a dollar for every time I have fallen or stumbled, but really do we have to get that technical? Just because I haven't seen anybody fall doesn't mean it doesn't happen and I have proof...

According to the National Moving Sidewalk People Mover Safety Board (NMSPMSB.org) there were 25,000 minor injuries caused from the MSPM in 2010. These injuries range from bruises and scrapes to sprains. There were 3,500 more serious injuries ranging from shattered egos to broken bones. There were 200 incidents of loss of limbs and 1 death. (Okay I made all that shit up, but I bet if someone would bother to collect the data, it would be pretty accurate).

In our society, we hear everyday about the dangers of drugs, tobacco, not wearing a seat belt, UV rays, but do you ever hear about the MSPM? NO! That is why I felt the need to get this information out there. This is a fairly unknown danger that you never hear about...kinda like some of the reality TV they show now a days, but again that's a different rant for a different day.

The transportation industry knew of the dangers of the MSPM, but went ahead with the design. It is used widely across the nation. The dangers were known, but ignored. When the first MSPM was put to use, Haycock Herman Huckleberry was given the esteemed honor of being the first person to "test drive" it. His family, friends and the press all waited anxiously for the maiden voyage across the floor. What happened you might ask? I will leave you with a direct quote from the news story that followed...

As Mr. Huckleberry lay bleeding from a massive head wound caused by the horrible fall on the MSPM, he looked up at family, friends and reporters and quietly said, "maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all."

Why didn't we listen? Stay off of the MSPM people...

Be afraid...Be very afraid...