THE BISHOP IS COMING! THE BISHOP IS COMING!

Bishop Smylie is coming for his annual visit to St. Paul's this weekend and while I am excited to meet him, I am a little stressed over all of the preparations that must be done. I need to clean, and I mean really clean my house...after all I don't want him to see how we really live! He doesn't know me, doesn't love me like my friends and family do, so it is important to make a good impression right? To be honest, I don't think it would matter if my house was a pig sty, smelled of animals, cigarette smoke and teenage BO....

I am not nervous about meeting him. Probably the number one reason why I love the Episcopal Church so much is that I have never met a group of people that are so welcoming, accepting and non-judgmental. Now don't get me wrong, every church in every city of every state has those people that judge, but I have been to a lot of different churches of different denominations and every Episcopal Church I have ever set foot in has been welcoming. I am not posting this to bad mouth other denominations so if you are going to comment about your religion and how I am full of shit, please keep it yourself. I am speaking of my own personal experience and the love I have for the Episcopal Church.

I think that we all judge at one time or another, but I honestly do try to meet people and get to know who they are. In the eyes of God, we are all worthy of His love, all worthy of taking communion, all worthy of prayer and all worthy of forgiveness. I am thankful everyday that He is the one to judge me and my family.

So, as I get ready to meet Bishop Smylie, I am so very thankful to belong to the church that I do. I have the best church family that anyone could ask for. They accept me; my faults, my tattoos, my talents, and my love. I cannot imagine a life without them. They have helped me through the spiritual valley that I have been in for over a year. I am slowly, clawing my way to the top, but it has been a long hard road.

Welcome to my home Bishop Smylie, step over the dirty socks, underwear, trash and clutter and make yourself at home.

“Accept one another, just as Christ also accepted us to the glory of God.”
Romans 15:7

teenage girls, teenage boys, and drama

I have 3 teenagers and one tween and from my earlier posts you know that I always have a house full of kids, so as you can imagine, there is a lot of drama. (that is totally a run on sentence, but I don't care). When I was younger, I had a boyfriend who would "make" me (I put "make" in quotes because I was too young and stupid to do otherwise) tie a sweatshirt around my waist so that no one could look at my butt. Now not to brag, but I had a really great butt when I was younger. If I had that butt now, I would parade it around town for all to see! Anyway, I am not bad mouthing this boy; he did this because of his own insecurities and immaturity. A lot of the drama that I witness today is caused from the same insecurities and immaturity that most teenagers experience, but it is upsetting when I see beautiful, young girls let themselves be treated like they are property and are "owned" by their boyfriends.

I have stated, nagged, forcefully stated, forcefully nagged, and maybe harped a little to all of my boys that girls are to be treated with respect. (and the boys should be treated the same by the girls) Girls and boys need to have friends. They need to have their own identity. They need to hang out with other people and enjoy their teenage years! We grownups know that real life is not always fun and worry free. Teenagers need to have fun now before they are worrying about bills, children, and careers. I must say that I am extremely proud of my three teenage boys. They are really good about balancing friend time (or should I say bro time) and girlfriend time and do not throw huge fits when their significant others hang out with their friends. Jealousy is such a negative emotion and will only cause problems. So listen up teenage boys and girls...IF YOUR BOY/GIRL FRIEND IS GOING TO CHEAT ON YOU, THERE ISN'T A DAMN THING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT! YOU CANNOT WATCH THEM EVERY SINGLE SECOND. IF THERE IS NO TRUST, THEN THERE IS NO REASON TO STAY TOGETHER!! Now I understand that teenagers are fickle and change their minds constantly, but you need to decide if you are going to constantly worry and stress that he/she might cheat on you or if you are going to enjoy your teenage years. Its your decision.

Choosing what clothing your girlfriend can wear is not going to prevent other guys from noticing her! A pretty girl is going to get noticed by others if she is wearing a snuggie! Let other guys notice! Then you can walk down the street holding her hand thinking to yourself, "yup, I know she's beautiful, but you know what? she chose me!" Tying the stupid sweatshirt around my waist did not prevent other guys from trying to pick up on me.

My last rant of this session is a very personal one to me. Never, ever, ever let a boy or girl come between a friendship. Being young and stupid, I came between a friendship. To this day I feel bad about it. These boys were friends for a very long time. I feel bad about it because I know how it feels. I had a best friend in high school. We did everything together. We had plans to attend college together, take that graduation trip to Rio (it may never have happened anyway, but it was fun to dream). Anyway, I always knew that I could count on her through anything. Our friendship was destroyed because of a boy, a boy that isn't even part of my life anymore! It was almost 25 years ago and I still miss her today. We have reconnected on facebook, but it will never be the same.

Now that I am an old lady, I have grown up and have become much wiser. If I had only known then, what I know now...but that's all a part of growing up!
So to my dear niece and her bestie...learn from my dumb mistakes (and lots of others before and after me) Do not throw your friendship away over this...you may be hurt and hurtful things may have been said, but you can get through this...you have an amazing friendship and it is definitely one worth saving, so work you asses off to save it!

Ode to my Spawn

My kids are the light of life. I cannot imagine life without them. I thank God for them everyday! So in honor of them, I give you............. ODE TO MY SPAWN......

Josh is the oldest at almost eighteen.
Next year he will enter the college party scene!
Wyoming or Utah where will he go?
Whatever his choice, he'll do awesome fo sho'!

Matthew is next, the one with the charm.
His antics have caused him bodily harm.
He is loving and loyal, to his friends he stays true,
But if you mess with his loved ones, he'll come after you.

Sam's in the middle he loves pranks and jokes,
always messes around and tries to fool folks!
He loves to play sports, always up for a chase.
Yesterday at soccer he scored a goal with his face!

Gabby, the only girl what can I say?
She loves all things girly, but football she'll play.
Many brothers she has by love and by blood.
If any boy tries to get near her his name will be mud!

Michael the youngest is the spoiled baby boy.
His love for reading brings me great joy.
He loves his cousin Grant more than you know,
And very very rarely hears the word NO!

I love these five kids with my heart and my soul.
Raising them right is the most important goal.
They make me laugh and cry and rip out my hair.
I am fiercely protective, so mess with them? I wouldn't dare.

Father's Day

Father's Day is quickly approaching. I used to be so wrapped up in what the kids and I were gonna do for Rich that I would have to remind myself that I too had a dad that I needed to get something for. This year is completely different. I have been consumed with the thought of this being the first father's day without my dad! I remember last year getting him some new pants, a shirt and a really soft cozy blanket. Ya I know a blanket in the middle of June? He was always cold. He would sit in the living room with a blanket, would always have the heater on in the car, and liked his bedroom to be about 80 degrees. It used to drive Rich and I insane when he would sit in the kitchen in the morning having coffee with the oven turned on and the door open to heat up the kitchen!

It's funny that now, I would give anything to have him here doing those things that drove us crazy! I would be happy to sit in his room sweating if I could talk to him one more time. I would gladly use the oven to heat the kitchen if it meant sharing one more pot of coffee. Unfortunately, this is not possible. So, for now I focus on the memories I have of my dad and the wonderful, simple moments that we spent together.

This coming Sunday is Father's Day. If you are lucky enough to have your father in your life, take the time to tell him you love him, if possible hug him a little tighter, make time to call or visit because life is precious and way too short and you never know when it will end.

Happy Father's Day Dad! I love you and miss you! So, until we meet again...keep the oven on...

Matthew, Matthew, Matthew

So the other night I was watching a movie and Matthew and Brittany come upstairs to tell me they need to show me something. Now when one of my kids says "I need to show you something" my first reaction is to shut my eyes very tightly. You know kinda like when they say "smell this". My first instinct is to protect myself!

So, I slowly got up off the couch; either because I was very reluctant to go downstairs or because my couch tends to swallow my ass and it is hard to get up. Anyway, Brittany is crying and laughing at the same time and Matthew is just laughing.

As I walk downstairs, Matthew is telling me what happened. Now my son Matthew for those of you who don't know him is the reason I color my hair! Ever since he was born he has been afraid of nothing, has always pushed the limits, has rebelled (to an extent) against any authority, and is the thrill seeker. Because of this, I had no idea what to expect when I went downstairs. For all I knew, he turned his room into an underwater man cave (don't get any ideas Matthew).

Apparently he and Brittany were sitting in the downstairs hallway and he told her to kick him in the chest. He told her to start out soft and kick harder each time. (Yes, this is what my son does for fun) So I guess she started kicking him and on the last kick, the hardest kick, she kicked his ass through the wall! Now I think Brittany thought I was going to be angry about the gaping hole in my wall, but when I got downstairs all I could do was laugh! Laugh at the giant hole in the wall, but also at my son for being so smart!!

Ya ya ya I know that he probably could have been hurt from this, but this is Matthew. I cannot go through my life worrying about him because of the "bright ideas" he comes up with. If I did that, I would never get any sleep and would be highly medicated because the worry would consume me.

So we are all looking at this hole in the wall (by now everyone in the house was downstairs staring at this hole that is the size of Matthew's back) and wondering how in the hell we are going to patch it. The next conservation went a little like this.....

Sam: Dad is gonna be pissed!

Matthew: We can totally fix that! It's not that hard to do!. All we have to do is cut it here and here and put a piece there and get some mud and some tape and......

Me: Really? we can fix that?

Matthew: Ya we can fix it before dad gets home and he'll never even notice.

Mom: Are you high? Your dad the carpenter? Your dad who has to have everything perfect when he builds something? That dad? He's not gonna notice? Are you high Clairie? We can't fix that!

When I was a kid, I got mad at my brother and kicked the bathroom door. When it flew open, the doorknob went through the wall. I remember being so scared at the thought of my dad being pissed off about the hole. I also remember the time that we (my brothers and I) broke one of the windows in the house. My dad was pissed because he had told us a thousand times to not throw the ball near the house. While he was gone buying a new window, we somehow managed to break another one! So at this moment I knew how Matthew was feeling. I honestly didn't know if Rich would be mad or not. I had no idea how he would react.

Yesterday, I called Rich after I was finished at work to see how he was enjoying Alaska. We were talking and I decided to tell him about the "wall incident". He started laughing and laughed even harder when I told him about the idea of us fixing it. I can do a lot of things, but patching drywall is not one of them. Anyway, I told him I was going to leave the hole for him to deal with when he gets home.

I think Matthew was quite relieved that his dad wasn't mad. When Rich patches the wall, I think that Matthew should help him because I am sure this will not be the only time it has to be done. After all, Matthew does have three more years at home until college!

Matthew George, I love you with all of my heart and daily life with you is an adventure that I wouldn't trade for the world! But I am thankful that you were not twins!

First Day of Summer

When do my kids go back to school?

Last Day of School

So today was the last day of school! I was definitely ready for it to end. I haven't had the best year. It probably started in July when my dad died. I was struggling with the emotions of dealing with my dad's death and then in August (2 1/2 weeks before I had to report back to school), I tore the mesh that was holding my umbilical hernia inside my belly. I was in a lot of pain and when I went to the doctor he said I should probably fix it since I was in pain. So 2 weeks before I was to start work, I had surgery.

Before the surgery, my doctor informed me that this surgery was going to hurt...not just a little, but A LOT! It was much more extensive than the last one and my total recovery time would be about 6 months. I remember leaving the doctor's office thinking, "well, he doesn't know how tough I am. I will be fine and ready to start school on the first day.

YA RIGHT...the surgery went well, but I could not believe the amount of pain I was in! It was horrible. I would have rather gone through natural childbirth again than have that hernia fixed. Needless to say, I was completely useless for about a week and a half. This meant that my classroom was not getting put together, I was not going to be prepared for the first day.

The day I had to report to work, I remember loading up on Lortab and muscle relaxers and promising my boss that I would be at work the following Monday to greet my new class of kinders, pain killer free!

Whenever I have surgery, I always have this episode of depression that follows it. I was already a mess because of my dad and the surgery just added to it. I started the school year sad, angry, depressed, unmotivated, and in pain. I remember coming home after the first week and sobbing after everyone had gone to bed. I prayed for strength and comfort.

As my class walked out of my room for the final time today, I felt tired, relieved, sad, happy, and blessed. Tired because I have used so much energy hiding my sadness and grief this year. Relieved because I can take some time to breathe and think about my dad and cry if I need to without worrying about who I might let down or disappoint...Sad because I have watched these kids learn and grow so much this year and now they are moving on, they don't need me anymore...happy because I have done my job and they have worked so hard. Blessed because I have a wonderful job. I work with an amazing staff, my Aspen family.

Thank you to the parents who have been so wonderful this year. You know who you are and you know the hard year I have had. Your support of me and your confidence in me is something I will never be able to repay and it means more to me than I could ever express.

And finally, Jaye Synan...without you I never would have made it through this school year. Thank you for letting me cry, letting me lean on you, letting me vent to you, and most importantly for making me laugh! And especially thanks for not killing me this year! I look forward to being "me" again this next school year.

So until then, I am going to sit back, relax and enjoy my summer!

Nik's Rant of the Day

Now I know all of you are expecting a rant on skunks, but since my husband is "leaving on a jet plane, don't know when he'll be back again", I thought I would change my rant topic for the day. He is off to Alaska this week to marry his oldest nephew (no not marry him like become husband and husband, but perform the ceremony) Anyway, I fear for his safety...I REALLY fear for his safety! Not for reasons you might think. You see, before he even gets to the gate to board his plane, he faces an unbelievable danger that many people do not know about. They do not realize what can happen to them. I am talking about sprains, strains, breaks, loss of limbs, and even death. Yes folks, I am speaking of the Moving Sidewalk People Mover! (I will now refer to it as the MSPM).

This transportation device is not safe. Invented way back when by Haycock Herman Huckleberry, this "invention" was supposed to make it easier to travel through the airport. First of all, I always get irritated when I hear someone behind me say "move to the right". Really, the sidewalk thingy is about as wide as my ass and you want me to move to the right? If you were gonna walk in the first place why the hell did you get on the MSPM? I know, I know you can walk much faster, but really do you need to have super human walking speed? And I doubt those several hundred feet really save you tons of time. You just look like a moron speed walking around my ass!

The speed walking does annoy me, but my biggest concern is safety. These sidewalks are dangerous. If I had a dollar for every time I have seen someone fall or stumble while trying to get off of the MSPM I could buy a nice meal at McDonalds, super sized, and have enough for a McFlurry at the end! Okay, I really meant to say if I had a dollar for every time I have fallen or stumbled, but really do we have to get that technical? Just because I haven't seen anybody fall doesn't mean it doesn't happen and I have proof...

According to the National Moving Sidewalk People Mover Safety Board (NMSPMSB.org) there were 25,000 minor injuries caused from the MSPM in 2010. These injuries range from bruises and scrapes to sprains. There were 3,500 more serious injuries ranging from shattered egos to broken bones. There were 200 incidents of loss of limbs and 1 death. (Okay I made all that shit up, but I bet if someone would bother to collect the data, it would be pretty accurate).

In our society, we hear everyday about the dangers of drugs, tobacco, not wearing a seat belt, UV rays, but do you ever hear about the MSPM? NO! That is why I felt the need to get this information out there. This is a fairly unknown danger that you never hear about...kinda like some of the reality TV they show now a days, but again that's a different rant for a different day.

The transportation industry knew of the dangers of the MSPM, but went ahead with the design. It is used widely across the nation. The dangers were known, but ignored. When the first MSPM was put to use, Haycock Herman Huckleberry was given the esteemed honor of being the first person to "test drive" it. His family, friends and the press all waited anxiously for the maiden voyage across the floor. What happened you might ask? I will leave you with a direct quote from the news story that followed...

As Mr. Huckleberry lay bleeding from a massive head wound caused by the horrible fall on the MSPM, he looked up at family, friends and reporters and quietly said, "maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all."

Why didn't we listen? Stay off of the MSPM people...

Be afraid...Be very afraid...

Nik's Rant of the Day

Sometimes when I am sitting up late by myself or early in the morning when everyone is still sleeping (yes sometimes it happens!) my mind becomes a busy mess of thoughts and feelings. Kinda like that area on the freeway where different interstates meet and cars are going every which way. It is often a jumbled mess.

I think of things I have to get finished, worry about my kids, worry about certain students, think about those who have wronged me, think about those that I have lost and miss, think about why Big Macs aren't healthy, think about what I would actually say if I had the opportunity to tell certain people what I think of them, think about how incredibly blessed my life is, think about how awesome it will be when I fit into a size 8, think about those that I love, think about what life will be like in 10 years, think about why my kids never finish their chores, think about why poop stinks, think about a better world withut skunks or seagulls and think about why farts are funny. These are just a few (hehehehe) of the things I think about when the house is quiet and nobody is buggin me!

Because I think it is unhealthy to have all of these jumbled thoughts just hangin around in my brain, I have decided to create Nik's Rant of the Day!!! I know, I know exciting huh? Well here goes, my first rant...wait for it...wait for it...here it comes.........

SEAGULLS...I HATE them! Now I know that hate is a strong word and I do not use it very often, but when it comes to seagulls it is very appropriate. Ya, ya, ya I know the story about the seagulls eating the locusts, or junebugs or cockroaches in Utah (whatever the hell bug it was then, I don't really care) WooHoo! Hooray for them! But, in this day and age they are unnecessary! In this day and age we have RAID! We have pest killers that can get rid of the unwanted bugs. Seagulls are no longer needed. I can hear it now! But what about the damage these harsh chemicals do to the environment? You know what screw the environment! What about the damage to my self esteem when one of those flying, mangy, bug eating bastards SHIT on me in 8th grade? Junior high is tough as it is. Kids want to fit in. Bird shit on your shoulder is probably not the best way to go about doing this. Do you really think you will be in the "in crowd" with a bird shit stain on your favorite shirt? No I don't think so either!

So, will you please quit feeding these sons-a-bitches your left over french fries! (who ever heard of left over french fries anyway?) Throw away your trash in a trash can with a LID! They hang out at McDonalds and Walmart because they know someone is gonna throw them a morsel of food! If everyone would quit feeding them, they would leave. Besides aren't they the state bird of Utah? This is Wyoming! Go home!

I once hit a seagull with my car at the beach when I lived in Cali! It was one of the best days of my life. I should have taken a picture and then mounted that son of a bitch to the grill of my car! But, unfortunately I didn't have my camera. So, I just jumped out of the car and did my happy dance while screaming, "Take that asshole! That's for the 8th grade, for me, and for all of the others that your disgusting breed humiliated, and abused each and every day at lunch! Don't mess with the bull or you'll get the horns! HA HA HA!!" Then I ran over him back and forth to make sure he was really dead while sadistically laughing!

It was a proud moment for me. One I will never forget! Okay, okay maybe I went a little bit overboard, but blame it on the Post Traumatic Stress from that humiliating and demeaning experience in junior high.

Oh and one more thing, if you are reading this blog thinking, "that is so horrible, that poor bird is one of God's living creatures..." First of all seagulls have no soul. Second of all they are mangy, disgusting birds that should be destroyed. And thirdly (Is that even a word? I don't really know, but it sounds good) do not comment if you are on the side of the seagull. Seagulls are the enemy. If you side with the enemy, well then that makes you...

Thank you for taking the time to read Nik's Rant of the Day.

Oh and one last thing...

Have I ever told you how I feel about skunks?