Thought of the Day

It feels like there has been a lot of death in my life lately. I lost my dad a year ago. My children's Godmother, Roxey Ellingford in March, my sister and brother, Shar and Steve, lost Steve's brother Bill in June. Bobbi Meyer in July, and there have been high school friends of my husband's and parents of friends.

I know that as I get older, it is expected that there will be more loss of life because as I get older, so do others. Time marches on. My parents both died fairly young and as time passes, I know that I will hear of the passing of the parents of childhood friends. Regardless of who it is, that death will undoubtedly bring sorrow into the lives of loved ones. Death is a fact of life and something that we will all experience through losing those we love and through experiencing it first hand one day, but that doesn't make it any easier to handle. It is still hard, sad, and at times absolutely unbearable.

A couple weeks ago, I attended the funeral of Bobbi Meyer. Bobbi fought a long, hard battle with cancer. She kicked its ass! I didn't know Bobbi very well, but am very close to her parents Terry and Neta Jenkins and absolutely love to tease her brother, Chris! Chris and I seem to have that sibling relationship of giving each other shit, but I know that Chris would be there for me if I needed him and vice versa! Anyway, as I sat at Bobbi's funeral listening to people speak about her, looking around seeing all of the people who were there, it is so obvious that Bobbi made a huge impact on those around her. Not once did I ever hear her complain about her illness; not one pity party. She was and still is an inspiration to so many.

I know that Neta is grieving and as a mom, I cannot imagine the pain she is feeling by having to bury a child. This is not the "natural" order of things. Neta was at Bobbi's side through this whole fight which was difficult enough, but to have this outcome on top of it, is unbearable. Neta is a very strong woman and I wish I could take away her pain.

Some of you know the special bond I shared with my father, regarding the beach. I remember being a little girl and looking out at the ocean from the end of the pier. It is really strange how certain conversations and occurrences burn a spot in your brain, not allowing you to ever forget.

I was looking at the horizon and was curious about how the ocean just ends. It stops. I asked my dad about it.

"Daddy, out there where the ocean ends, is there a wall or does the water just fall off?"
" The water doesn't stop. It looks like it stops because that is as far as your eye can see,
but it keeps going."
"Keeps going where? What is out there?"
"More water, more land, and probably another little girl with her daddy, standing on
a pier looking at the same water. She is probably wondering the same thing you are.
About what happens where the ocean ends."

Not really an earth shattering conversation, but it wasn't until years later that I received a pamphlet from a hospice nurse with a story written by Henry Van Dyke that brought that conversation back as clear as day.

SIDE NOTE: Before I post that story, I have to say that I don't believe in coincidence. I believe things happen for a reason. I believe that I get signs from my parents all the time. I believe that I get signs from God, in subtle ways and when He is irritated because I am not listening, he "thumps" me on the forehead to get my attention.

When the hospice nurse handed me the pamphlets and information, I glanced at them and pushed them aside. My dad didn't seem sick and it he certainly didn't look like he needed hospice. (He was eventually taken off of hospice because he was doing so well).

It wasn't until after he died that I really looked at the information. When I cam across the story by Henry Van Dyke, I read it and sobbed (I remembered liking it the first time I glanced at it, but this time it had a much bigger affect) because I knew that this story was not "just a story". It was a reminder, maybe from my dad, maybe from God, that my dad was okay. But it is the topic of the story that made such an impact with me....you will understand why...

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other. Then someone at my side says:
"There she is gone!"
"Gone where?"
Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port. Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at that moment when someone at my side says, "There she is gone!" there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout:
"HERE SHE COMES!"
And that is dying.

Henry Van Dyke

So, when we lose a loved one, they are not gone. They are simply out of our sight. Of course, this is not the same and it would be much better if they never left in the first place, but this was so comforting to me. I truly believe that my mom, my uncle, and many others were there waiting for my dad, and when he appeared they all shouted, "HERE HE COMES!" What an amazing reunion that must have been!

I will continue to miss the ones we have lost. I will continue to pray for the ones who are hurting. And I will definitely continue to believe that we will see them again someday. We will have that glorious reunion. So for now it sucks being apart and not having them here to share our lives, but they are okay...they are much better than okay! On my down days, I find comfort in this knowledge. I hope that you do too.