Skunks...I fear them...I seriously fear them...Along with this fear comes a deep hatred down in the bottom of my soul. First and foremost, I will state that a skunk is not one of God's creatures; it has no soul. It is of the devil. The God I know, would never torture His children by creating this smelly, disgusting night dwelling weasel with the ability to spray oily stinky shit out of its ass (I know it doesn't actually come from their ass, but it sounded better than saying, "spray oily stinky shit out of the scent sacks that are near their anus").
I have personal experiences with skunks. My beloved dog, Jack, killed two skunks during his lifetime. Each time he killed one, it turned to spray him right before he shook it to pieces, thus spraying him in the process. The last skunk he killed, sprayed not only him, but the house too. The horrible odor woke me up out of a sound sleep. The stench permeated the walls and seeped into the house! It was awful! I remember putting a ton of Vicks above my upper lip to try and drown out that smell.
The amazing thing to me is that my family slept through it! Really? I remember waking Rich up.
Me :"Rich, Rich do you smell that? Oh my God do you smell that?"
Rich: "What?"
Me: "That awful stench, do you smell it?"
Rich: "Well, now I do."
Okay, okay, so waking him up to ask him if he could smell the skunk was not one of the smartest things I have ever done, but luckily he forgave me. I did moan and whine for the rest of the night so he didn't get much sleep.
The smell from the skunk took a really long time to go away. For months afterwards, there were certain things that kept the smell on them. I picked up a pen one day and my hand smelled like skunk ass after that.
So you see, I have a reason for hating skunks. Every time I see one dead in the road, I have to give a thumbs up to whoever killed the stinky son of a bitch. Dead skunks=cheers when we are on road trips! I lost all respect for the Hogle Zoo when I saw that they have a skunk on exhibit. Seriously? A skunk is not a zoo animal! Lions, tigers, elephants, giraffes; those are zoo animals; not the vermin that can spray stinky oil out their ass! YUCK! Who thought that was a great idea anyway? Again proving that they have no soul! God wouldn't come up with such a bad idea!
Thank you for tuning into my rant on Skunks. I am not quite sure what my next rant will be....hmmmm...maybe toe socks, techno music, something about throwing rocks in glass houses built in the sand on a side of a hill, the silver war, teaching new dogs old tricks...who knows? I only write about what the little voices in my head tell me to...
So, if I ever get my way, I will rid this beautiful world that we live in of skunks and seagulls. They are of the devil and serve no good purpose here on earth. Please do not send me hate mail or mkae nasty comments if you are an animal lover because quite frankly, this is my blog so I can say whatever I want.
I don't give a shit about seagulls, skunks, the environment or the size of my carbon footprint. I would gladly kill Flipper to eat a tuna fish sandwich. I think that letting all of the crops in CA die to save some stupid guppy fish is ridiculous. I think we should drill for oil wherever we can find it...wait wait wait...this was not the subject for my rant...hmmmm...maybe I have found my topic for next time....
So, until then....I am off to buy my hubby and kids ice cream in my giant gas guzzling, environment hating, Ford Excursion! I am also going to fart as much as possible while outside to increase the methane in the air....and litter! Ya maybe I'll litter too!!!
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