Standing Up For Me

I have always been the type of person to avoid confrontation. I will avoid an argument or an uncomfortable situation at all costs, when it has to do with me. I'm not good at standing up for myself or stating my opinion. Now, keep in mind this is only when it directly involves me. You mess with my family, especially my kids, and I will unleash. That's when momma bear comes out to protect and believe me, it ain't always pretty. Just ask some of the staff members at Evanston Middle School! hahahaha!

Well, somehow that kind of changed this past week. I have to say that although the confrontation I had makes me somewhat sad, I am extrememly proud of myself for standing up for me, stating my opinion and for refusing to be put down and walked on. I do not need to get into details over what happened; that can stay private, but something changed in me this past week. I learned that there is no shame in stating what I believe, in stopping someone from making me out to be someone I am not, in standing up for ME! I bet my mom is dancing in circles with her cigarette and coke shouting, "YES! IT'S ABOUT GODDAMN TIME!"

You see, I am a lot like my mom in this area. She was the same way. She wouldn't really stand up for herself, but if you messed with one of her kids or grandkids, you'd better run, run as fast as you can and never look back because she's coming, she's coming after you, not like some crazed, psychotic lunatic, (well I have to admit, there were times that she could look like a crazed, psychotic lunatic. Ask Alan about the time he was in the car accident! LMAO!) but like... its hard to explain...Here is a great example...

One time when my parents were watching Josh while I was out shopping, someone threatened to take him out of the house. My mother, very calmly said, "pick up that baby, and you will be dead before you get to the door." I can picture it and I can hear her voice. It would have been very frightening. She wouldn't have sounded angry, she wouldn't have raised her voice. You see, it was not a threat; she was stating a mere fact of what would happen. I don't think anybody in the room doubted for one second that what she said wasn't true. I know the person at the house didn't doubt it for a second because Josh was left on the floor as this person quietly exited the house.

To me, this is ten times scarier than her crazed lunatic personality. She remained calm. No anger, no tension. She just matter of factly stated what would happen; showing little emotion...

My mom has been gone for almost six years and there are days when I feel like she is so far away and days when I feel her so close to me. This past week, I have felt her presence a lot. I know that she would be so happy that I have finally learned to ALWAYS follow my gut in situations where I am uncomfortable. I know that she is smiling at the fact that I stood up for myself and spoke my mind (one of the few times in my life). And I must admit, it felt really good.

I hope that I can remember how good this feels. I want my daughter to see that it's okay to speak your mind and stand up for yourself when you feel you are being personally attacked. My dad always told me to avoid confrontation at all costs."Confrontation is bad!" he used to always say. I do try to avoid confrontation, but there are times when a confrontation is unavoidable. It is not okay to be someone's verbal punching bag! It is not okay to let someone put you down! It is okay to stand up for yourself! It is okay to put someone in his/her place if they need it.

I am Nikki Snow...HEAR ME ROAR!!! hahahahahahaha!!!!