Park City!!! Land of idiots!
So, yesterday I took 3 of my children to Park City to do a little school shopping. It was actually kind of a bust, but I did manage to get Sam's shopping done except for his shoes. Anyway, it was crowded and hot. I am always amazed at how rude people are when I go to Utah. Now don't even start with me about slamming people from Utah. I am sure people are rude everywhere. I go to Utah, therefore I experience first hand the rudeness of some of the people in Utah. If I went to Missouri, I would comment on their attitudes, but since I shop in Utah, I comment about them. So, if you are from Utah, stop reading now because I am about to SLAM Park City and the people that were there on Thursday August 4th. As I have stated before, this is my blog and I can say whatever I want. If you don't like it then don't read it.
As I was saying, yesterday we hopped in the car and went to Park City to get some shopping done. We started our little adventure at TJ Maxx. Now I love TJ Maxx for the prices, but I HATE having to search through the racks. I am probably the most impatient person I know. I don't really know what happened to me in the last 6 years. I used to LOVE to shop! I remember shopping with my mom. We would shop for hours upon hours, store after store; we could sense a bargain from miles away and swoop in, attack the hell out of it and re-surface with some great finds! When she died, it was like my love for shopping went right along with her. I don't really enjoy it much anymore which is sad because my daughter is kind of missing out.
TJ Maxx...Sam found some pants and shirts, so for him it was a success! Right next door to Smith's is Michael's. Now for those of you who do not know what Michael's is, it is a crafty person's paradise! I went into Michael's because I was trying to find some paper cut outs of flip flops. I have decided to change the whole theme of my classroom this year. Last year was super shitty, so I have decided to start completely fresh...new theme! So, I decided to go with the beach, after all I am a California girl. I haven't lived in CA in 17 1/2 years, but deep down, she is still there. I remember her. The blond (yes I was blondish), tanned girl who never wanted to leave, who knew that CA was the best place on earth and that if you didn't live there, somehow your life was lacking. Funny what happens when we grow up and mature huh? Anyway, do you think I could find paper cutouts of flip flops? NO NO NO NO NO!!! The cute little sales girl who was helping me finally says, "You know what you could do? Buy some foam, cut them out, use some ribbons for the straps...you could totally make your own!" The excitement in her voice over foam flip flops was a little sickening! I set out to find foam because right about now I'm a little discouraged knowing I am never going to find what I want. The whole time I am thinking to myself, "Who the hell do I look like? Martha-freakin-Stewart? I don't have time for this shit! I still have 16 chair pockets to finish! Anyway, I bought the foam and ribbon and then informed Gabby and Sam that they would be making flip flops this weekend! Here it comes, here it comes...the whining..."Why do we have to do it?"
"Because I gave birth to you, therefore I own you and you will do as I say! Why do you think I had children? Someone has to do the dishes, pick up dog poop, vacuum and make foam flip flops!"
Keep in mind, we are only about an hour into this shopping expedition and we haven't even hit the outlet mall yet! At this point, I am thinking that I really should have brought another friend with me! Ya, that's right I should have brought the Captain! After yesterday, the Captain travels with me at all times! He has become my faithful sidekick and goes wherever I go! Nik and the Captain...yup, that's us!
Next stop...Park City Outlet Mall!!! This is where the rant starts! This is where I shake my head at the stupidity of some people. What in the hell are those stupid, artsy, fartsy, have to drive in a circle instead of just turning left things before you enter the outlet mall? It's like someone thought it would be neat to have a big round concrete structure with pretty plants and flowers to drive around. I am not here to look at the scenery! If I want scenery, I will drive into the mountains. Or, if you really want your flowers, put them at the side of the road, they don't need to be in the middle of the road. As I am driving around the circle (enjoying the scenery) I notice it...he is there every time I come here...he hasn't moved...and he looks ridiculous...the big, red moose welcoming me into the shopping center! I am not even going to start about the stupid, red moose because that could take up a whole entire blog! I drive past Bullwinkle and head to the upper part of the mall...Old Navy, Nike, Aeropostale...her we come.
The place is packed. People are everywhere. There must have been a soccer tournament somewhere because I have never seen so many soccer players in my life! They were everywhere! I thought it might have been an invasion of some sort, but they were all kids and their parents seemed to be spending a lot of money, so I knew I was probably safe. As I drove to the upper part of the mall, and this is where it gets good, this is where you will find stupidity at its finest, I notice yellow caution tape roping off the parking lot. The parking spaces are empty. You cannot park in the upper lot (well they had a few where you could park, but of course they were all full). So, now we have to drive around the parking lot and back down to the lower lot to find a parking spot.
Here is my bitch...The mall was packed! When do most people do their back-to-school shopping? When? What did I hear you say? Oh did you say August? Ya, that's what I would have said too! So, who is the complete moron that decided that August would be a great time to re-surface a parking lot? Let's choose one of the busiest shopping months of the year and resurface the parking lot, making hundreds of parking spaces unavailable. Great idea dumb ass! You are probably the same person who thought the artsy, fartsy, circly thing would be cute huh? Jackwagon!
Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mind walking. I have no problem walking around the mall, but I do have a problem with having to carry giant shopping bags throughout the mall. We finally found a parking space, walked up to the upper part of the mall, did some shopping and headed back down. I know I just gave you a really short version of what took hours, but basically it was people shoving people, people tearing through clothing like they were starving Ethiopians looking for a morsel of food. I couldn't believe how they just left things in shambles. There were clothes on the floor, piles of items that were folded at one time and now had been thrown in a heap on a table. Kids running through the store unsupervised! This is the biggest bitch I have! If you aren't going to watch your kids, then leave them at home! Now, I obviously love kids or I wouldn't have the job that I do. But, holy shit, there must have been a brat convention to go along with the soccer invasion!
We made our way down to the lower part of the mall and stopped in at Famous Footwear. I always buy the kids school shoes at Famous because every August they have a buy one got one half. We walk in and it is ZOO! People everywhere. We had to hurdle a girl trying on shoes in the doorway! I found a sales girl and asked her if they were having a BOGO. Without making eye contact she says, "No, we don't do BOGO's because we are an outlet store. If you want a BOGO, you can shop online or go to Salt Lake." Usually, I would have come back with a smart ass comment, but I was tired and by the looks of the store, she had probably had a rough day and was more than likely expecting me to make some bitchy comment. I had the kids do an about face and we headed out the door. Luckily, the girl trying on shoes had moved and we didn't have to use our mad hurdling skills again!
After walking for what seemed like hours, we could finally see the car again! Sam and Michael took the bags to the car while Gabby and I went into Claires. Claires was, by far, the best part of the day. You see, Gabby has not been aloud to wear earrings for a really long time. When she had her ears pierced, she had an allergic reaction to the earrings and developed really thick scar tissue in her earlobes. We took her to a plastic surgeon who got rid of most of the scar tissue, but she can't ever wear earrings again (the likelihood of it happening again is too great). Anyway, we found some really cute clip on earrings. She tried on her earrings in the car and was so excited. The smile on her face made everything else we had been through during the Park City shopping trip from Hell well worth it!
Michael didn't share our excitement for the earrings. "Because Gabby is a girl, mom thinks she needs accessories! What's the big deal about accessories anyway? Claires is the dumbest store ever!"
As we pulled out of our parking space, I was happy that my daughter was so thrilled with her earrings. I was also happy to be going home. I looked in the rear view mirror at Gabby trying on another pair of earrings; smiling from ear to ear...then I saw him...that stupid, ugly, holding a shopping bag, giant, red moose...the days events flooded my mind, playing over and over like a movie...as I changed lanes, cutting off the asshole who wouldn't let me get over...which was kind of funny because I am driving a Ford Excursion. You're driving a Prius...I am switching lanes, whether you let me or not...You can choose to be courteous or I can total your car...I am bigger than you, I have insurance, and I have had my fill of inconsiderate people today...he hit his brakes when I moved over into the other lane...Good choice jackass!
We are almost out of the parking lot! Thank God! I can get back to my little town where there is less traffic, less crowds, and no stupid artsy, fartsy, circly things or giant read moose staring at me. With Gabby still looking at her earrings, and Michael bitching about accessories, I slowly and rather meanly, gave that ugly, red, I-hope-you-enjoyed-your-shopping-trip-come-back- again, stupid looking moose the finger! "Kiss my ass moose! This shopping center sucks! You won't see me again! I have learned my lesson! Ogden is the place for me! I hope you meet up with a really angry hunter someday, asshole! Oh, and another thing, do you know how many people laugh and say that they know God has a sense of humor because of the way you look?"
Yup...Uh huh! I told him what's up! For those of you keeping score...Me: one! Ugly, red moose: ZERO!
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