My Dad

So I have really been missing my dad lately. I would do anything right now to hear him yell "OH BALLS" while watching Fox news. Or have him fill the house with smoke because he cooked everything on the highest heat possible. I would love nothing more than to hear one more time, "Matthew pull your pants up!"

If you had the pleasure of knowing my father in is later years, you were very blessed. I have never met a more loving, giving, thoughtful man. Now keep in mind, this was not the same man I grew up with. I was deathly afraid of my father during my teen-age years. I got along with him, he coached me in softball for many years, but I was scared to death to make him mad or disappoint him. I was a very good kid growing up. I stayed out of trouble. Not because I was a goody goody, but because the thought of getting in trouble at home scared the shit out of me.

My relationship with my dad wasn't bad, but I was always much closer to my mom. My mom...well thats another story for another time. This blog is about my dad. Anyway, it wasn't until my mom died that my relationship with my dad really changed. I remember the night we were told that there was nothing that could be done to help my mom. We left the hospital that night knowing that the next time we saw her, we would be removing life support and saying goodbye (we were waiting for Alan to get to Utah from California). As we were leaving the hospital, for the first time in my life, I saw my big, strong, hard ass father as a scared, lost, hopeless little boy. His whole world had just crumbled around him.

He moved in with me about 5-6 months after mom had passed. I think he felt like he should be able to live alone. People lose spouses all the time and live alone and do just fine right? Well my dad was sad and lonely and needed family around him. We moved him in (than God for Rich, who never batted an eye when I told him dad wanted to come live with us) and he perked up and seemed to enjoy life once again (to an extent).

Dad was with us for almost 5 years after mom passed. He was in terrible health for most of those years, but tried his best to not complain. During that time, I became extremely close to my dad. I never thought this type of relationship was possible with him. During this time, I learned more from my father than I had my entire life. Now don't get me wrong, I had a good dad. He provided for me when I was little, was very involved in all of my sports, taught me that hard work pays off, and I definitely felt and knew that I was loved, but something was different in those final five years. He showed me how important family is (and I don't mean family as in blood relatives). He showed me that the most important thing in life is to love and be loved by those important to you.

I will forever cherish the relationship that I had with my dad, especially the last five years of his life. When my mom died, I was completely devastated. Looking back, I realize that if she had not gone first, I never would have had the relationship with my dad that I did the last five years of his life. So, not that it was a good thing that she died, but some good definitely came out of it. Maybe it was God's plan (or my mom's plan, I'm sure she was involved somehow! :)

Although I miss him terribly, I know that he is enjoying himself. Free of pain, no more gasping for air! He's with my mom again watching over us all. So, until we meet again, I will hold onto and treasure the memories...